Overcome self-sabotage and finally fix behaviors that are holding you back from greatness.
What the Beastie Boys have been trying to tell you about fixing your business once and for all.
I’m trying to tell you now it’s sabotage
our backs are now against the wall
Listen all of y’all it’s a sabotage…
And why yes, I do occasionally take business advice from the Beastie Boys. Hey, they’re actually business people in the business of making music and connecting with their audience. It doesn’t just take talent to make it out there. It also takes grit, tenacity and a mindset of awesome.
Something that I frequently encounter with clients and peers is nagging re-occurring imposter syndrome and self-sabotage.
We’ll tackle imposter syndrome another day, but right now, let’s get into why we sabotage ourselves.
Why on earth would you ever sabotage yourself?
Why would anyone deliberately sabotage themselves so that they wouldn’t reach their goals, milestones or dreams? It’s not deliberate; it’s usually sneakier than that. We all sabotage for one reason – to protect ourselves. It’s fear based. (FEAR is a four letter F-word in case you didn’t already know 😉
When we step toward greatness, toward a better future, toward our dream life, we step into the abyss. It’s not just unfamiliar territory, it’s terrifying. At least our subconscious thinks so. Our subconscious is like, “WTF is going on here?! It’s dark. I don’t know what’s going to happen and I can’t stand not being in control!”
[clickToTweet tweet=”FEAR is a four letter F-word. FYI. #mindset #coach” quote=”FEAR is a four letter F-word.”]
What is self-sabotage?
Forms of self-sabotage include:
- Trying to do everything yourself, rather than hire help
- Berating yourself until you fall into a depression and/or give up
- Standing at the refrigerator and eating when you’re not hungry as a form of procrastination
- Spending time on random or inconsequential tasks rather than devoting yourself to the big scary project
- Picking up your phone and checking social media when you need to be writing/creating content/making sales calls
- Staying up into the wee hours of the morning when you’ve already committed to going to bed earlier
The list could go on and on.
What are three self-sabotaging behaviors that you do?
It’s so important not to assign judgment or condemnation when you identify your own SS behaviors. Remember, your subconscious is trying to protect itself from things that go bump in the dark.
Objectively and dispassionately list three things that you do to stop yourself from reaching your goals.
Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love wrote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I am not religious by any means, but I believe that we are meant to shine and so her powerful message resonates with me. I’ll repeat it, “Your playing small does not serve the world.”
[clickToTweet tweet=”‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate (but) powerful beyond measure.’ – M. Williamson” quote=”Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. “]
Once you recognize that your subconscious self-sabotaging program has started running in the background, acknowledge it, thank it for trying to keep you safe and then pivot toward your goal.
We grow by doing. While I’m not advocating a fake it till you make it approach, I do support a learn and grow while doing it lifestyle. We fear failure. We fear humiliation. We fear inadequacy. But what if courage, confidence and fulfillment were ours no matter what?
We sabotage ourselves so that we won’t fail publicly, so that we won’t feel pain, so that we won’t experience emotional discomfort. Here’s the secret, you are going to fail. Or more accurately, you are going to fail sometimes. “Failures” both small and big are growth experiences along this journey of ours, as both entrepreneurs and humans. So we could say, we are going to have growth experiences. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s definitely an optimistic way of putting it because “growth experiences” are sucktacular. We all know how much failure hurts. But these experiences lead to tremendous growth.
What could it be, it’s a mirage
You’re scheming on a thing; that’s sabotage. – Beastie Boys
Stop dwelling on the fear’s mirage of failure and get real with yourself in a spirit of curiosity and compassion.
My remedy for self-sabotage is group support. Connect, support and help others and allow others to do the same for you. Join a mastermind. Join a club. Start your own. Surround yourself with people who ‘get it’ and want to see you succeed. Can y’all dig it?